Up A Hippopotamus’ Bottom

Children, have I ever spun you the yarn

of the world we left behind?

Of why we started a brand new life

in the most perfect place we could find?

Your father and I, we love riding camels,

and reading biology books about mammals.

We love drawing castles on dry-erase boards,

and swallowing gumdrops. And swallowing swords.

We're passionate people, with passionate friends

and imaginations galore

They saw what we loved, so they helped us find ways

to love all those things even more

If a wizard enchanted our dry-erase markers

and we drew on a board made of minotaur wings

could we sit on the throne of our dry-erase castle

and declare that no-one was king?

Riding camels was fun, we thought,

but why not improvise?

Why not carry a dromedary

in a shoulder bag with leather ties?

Or cruise together on the highway,

with the top down just to feel alive?

Maybe share a moment.

Maybe let the camel drive.

Or what if we got to the end of the textbook

and added blank pages we stole from a Grue

and drew on those pages with Xanthian pencils...

Could we make new mammals and name them all too?

We were having so much fun we didn't see the signs

That some killjoys didn't like the way we played

We were busy being magical and making cool stuff!

But they really didn't like the stuff we made

They came with red faces, so perfect for shouting

They came with black rainclouds worn over their hats

They shouted a lot with unmusical voices

And pointed their fingers, and oiled their bats.

They didn't approve of the fun we were having

Or the jubilant way that we tended to groove;

More noisy and numerous every new morning

they demanded we change, or failing that, move.

Our games became quiet, our smiles were shrinking

too many bullies were dimming our glow

your father and I did some serious thinking:

maybe we should leave. But where would we go?

Narnia was big enough,

but the seasons are a pain;

Candy Land was sweet enough,

but awful when it rains;

The Land of Oz is lovely

but there's poison in the sand;

And a sign proclaims “No Dogs Allowed”

at the beach in Wonderland.

Gallifrey and Neverland and Marvel 616 –

Every place had problems that your dad and I can't fix

But your father is a genius and I'm a ninja necromancer

and together we came up with quite an unexpected answer

We'd leave all our boring old houses behind

And pack up our bindles and wagons

We'd need a tall ladder, and plenty of flashlights

and something to plant our new flag in

We'd build our new homes and grow hundreds of trees

and have it all ready by Autumn.

All of our friends, and their children and pets

were going up a hippopotamus' bottom!

So we called the librarians,

and called the cartoonists

and called all the dorks and the cooks

we called all the people with beautiful gardens

and the people with beautiful books

We called on the empaths

the volunteer docents

the people who struggle with pride

We called all the folks who have jobs waiting tables

but much bigger dreams on the side

The socially awkward

the slightly-too-noisy

the people who really like birds

Skater boys, horse girls,

kind-hearted weirdos

and all of the flavors of nerds

We packed up our board games

and comic collections

and our fanciest colorful socks

and every single copy

of The Catcher in the Rye

and a jar with some really cool rocks

We packed He-Man toys and finger puppets

and a bunch of hula hoops

and skirts that billow when you spin around

and those Hot Wheels tracks with the loop-de-loops

We packed ancient tomes of powerful magic

and crossword puzzles too

and Dungeons & Dragons

and pie, and bicycles,

and cowboy hats, and Kung Fu.

Everything we ever loved

we packed them up and brought 'em

and went to start a whole new life

Up a hippopotamus' bottom.

We built a bunch of bungalows

And a great big art museum

Your father made an artificial sun!

We filled up all the pastures

with the mammals we invented

And then we made some new ones just for fun

It was a fixer-upper, but we all pitched in to help

And the hippo liked to have us all around

So now we draw and paint and dance and play and ride and sing –

What more perfect place could we have found?

We grow our own food here,

we put in a skylight

we have interlibrary loan

our space program's making impressive advances

and I learned to play the trombone!

Then you kids were born

and you rode your bicycles

and climbed trees til the branches ran out

You dressed up in costumes

and wrote a rock opera

to explain what your dreams were about

Yes, you belong with us my dears:

you live with such delight!

you play too hard and love too hard

and cry when things aren't right.

So please stay here, and make your things

and read your books, and grow your wings

And when it's time, you'll fly outside and soar

You'll soar above the red-faced crowds

unaffected by their clouds

which never rained on your parades before

You'll soar like dragons

you'll soar like angels

you'll soar like super sonic UFOs

and if some emperor gives you guff

or says that you're not good enough

you'll tell him that he hasn't any clothes!

Because you don't genuflect for naked kings

when you have rock operas, and magic wings!

And you don't need to fall for their jealous schemes

Because we gave you gumdrops, and high self-esteem

Your father and I, this home that we made,

this was the right thing to do

but you kids will grow up and you'll have your own dreams

and those dreams will be the right things for you

There will be villains but you will oppose them

And I'll help you learn how to spot 'em

And you'll always be welcome

(should you wish to return)

Up a Hippopotamus' Bottom.